I think i sorta joined a cult last night
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Randomize
