At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
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