remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
