Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
We talked him into tasing himself.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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