Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
