eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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