So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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