I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
