Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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