I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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