3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
