and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
