literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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