I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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