yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I wish you could order shots online.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
