You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
