I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
