If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
