Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
