I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
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