yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I deserve this hangover.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
