Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
