it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
