I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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