I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
