Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
