Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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