I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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