TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
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