He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
