giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
