Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
ok first of all what the fuck
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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