That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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