is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Randomize
