Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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