My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
