There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
