We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
