she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
tell me about the fingering
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