dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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