It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
