I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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