What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
