I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
