hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
