I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
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