wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
