There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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