Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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