guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Randomize
