My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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