I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
