I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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