dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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