I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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