actually, I'm a sock model
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Randomize
